Back in 2017, 1 in 8 adult Americans had experienced a form of alcohol or substance addiction. Interestingly, these addictions cost the US economy over $600 billion every single year. This was all before the pandemic began.
Now we are faced with an even bigger crisis. Drugs and alcohol are an easy thing to turn to when times are stressful and unpredictable, and we know these rates have increased, we just don't have estimates yet on how bad it has gotten.
Dennis Berry was an addict, and has been clean and sober since 2003. In this episode we'll tackle the addiction problem and what we can do to break free of addiction.
What To Expect From This Episode
- What life is like as an addict and how you know when you hit rock bottom
- Different ways to get help and support to break free from addiction
- Steps to follow to reintegrate back into society without feeling pressure to engage in the previous addictive activities
- Ways as a family member or friend to support an addict and be there for them, and how to know when you should stop being supportive and have them find someone else
- [0:00] Welcome to the Summit For Wellness Podcast
- [2:30] What is Dennis Berry's background and what was life like as an addict
- [4:00] When did Dennis hit rock bottom and decided to make a change
- [8:00] Looking at all the changes you have to make when addicted to substances, it can seem easier to do the substance instead. But in the long run, the hard work is worth it
- [9:15] Are addicts afraid to ask for help, or do they not even know they can ask for help
- [12:00] Ego prevents us from asking for help, even people at the top levels of their fields get help from coaches
- [14:15] What steps did Dennis have to take to comfortably break free of his addictions and be able to integrate back into society
- [18:00] If you are using substances to avoid feeling pain or emotions, then how do you get people to stop the substances if they don't want to experience the hard parts of life
- [23:00] Everyone's rock bottom is different, and sometimes you would think a rock bottom would be enough, but it isn't
- [26:00] As a family member or friend looking in at someone who is an addict, how do we approach them to help them
- [29:00] How many chances do you give someone before you tell them that they will need to find someone else to help them beat their addictions
- [32:30] If the addict breaks the contract with you, how do you not feel guilty about leaving them to figuring it out on their own
- [35:00] How do you chose what to optimize in someone's life and in what order
- [37:00] Where to find out more about Dennis Berry and get 2 free coaching sessions
Resources From This Episode
Some of these resources may contain affiliate links, which provides a small commission to me (at no extra expense to you).
- Mention Bryan from the Summit For Wellness Podcast to get 2 free coaching sessions with Dennis
- 12 Steps of Recovery from Alcohol and Substance Addictions
Transcript For Episode (Transcripts aren't even close to 100% Accurate)
[00:00:14] Bryan Carroll: Did you know that back in 2017 one and eight American adults had struggled. Both alcohol and substance abuse, which at that time equated to about 20 million people in that same year, about 38% of adults had battled and illicit drug use disorder.
Now, obviously those numbers have increased with the pandemic. We don't know what those final numbers are now, but addiction is a huge problem in our society. And I'm sure if you really look at your friends list or your family's list, there's probably someone that, you know, that is battling some sort of.
What's up everyone. I'm Bryan Carroll and I'm here to help people move more, eat well and be adventurous. And in today's episode, I have Dennis Barry on the show to chat with us about ways to break free of those addictions. He was an addict himself and he went through the worst of the worst and he came out the other side.
So it's, it's hard to get people to want to transition out of their addiction. Especially if they don't recognize that they are addicted to certain substances, but what we can agree on is a lot of people would rather have a happier and more fulfilling life than just being addicted to these different substances.
So in this episode, Dennis is going to give us different steps to reach out to people that we know that have an addiction issue and how to. Possibly guide them in a way to start changing their lives for the better. So Dennis is a master life coach who helps people to recover from helpless and hopeless situations and to find inner peace, success, and mastery in every area of their lives.
And he's been sober since 2003. So he knows how important it is to have a positive direction in life. So let's go dive into my conversation with Dennis. Thank you, Dennis, for coming onto the. Thanks,
[00:02:08] Dennis Berry: Bryan. Nice to be here, man. I'm really happy to meet you and just like shoot the breeze a little bit.
[00:02:14] Bryan Carroll: of course. And we have a lot to cover, but before we start talking about addiction, recovery, and all that type of stuff, let's learn a little bit about your background and what got you to where you are today?
[00:02:26] Dennis Berry: Sure. Well I spent my whole twenties, so I'm almost 50 now, but I spent. 1990 to 2000 up and living up in the mountains in Vermont.
And I was in the middle of a ski racer party chef guy and led that type of crazy wild lifestyle. And it just went on and on and it was fun for a little while, and then it wasn't as much fun. And then I couldn't stop. And eventually when I was 31, I was able to stop and. I realized it wasn't just about stopping drinking and drugging or whatever it is is about like changing your perspective on life, learning new ways to live, becoming healthier and spiritually grounded.
And that that's really what leads to like contentedness and happiness. And that's kind of the path I took. And right around that time, early on in my recovery efforts, I started coaching people and I've been doing that for about 15 years and I love it every morning. I get. I wake up and I kick the covers off and I'm like, oh, my life is just great.
And so I want other people to have that same enthusiasm for life, and that's kind of what I do. And that's the 32nd version of a really long story.
[00:03:38] Bryan Carroll: So you had your addictions that you were battling and then at some point something must've flipped for you to make you want to change. So what was your kind of rock bottom?
That was that moment that you decided now's the time to change.
[00:03:54] Dennis Berry: Sure. And to flash back a little bit, you know, when I was five years old, my grandmother said to my mother, she said he worries like a little old man. You know? So at five years old, I was already full of all the fear and insecurity. And the anxiety of life except, and like most people, it's a big, scary world.
And I just hadn't zero coping skills. I had no idea how to get through it. And so you fast forward to, I was 15, I took a first drink and I was like, like, it was like this relief that I didn't have to feel that way anymore and I didn't have to feel anything. And then you fast forward to everything. I just told you about my, my twenties there.
I never learned how to grow up. And, you know, at the reason most people fail in sobriety recovery or overcoming any of their addictions. We're talking about drugs and alcohol, but it could be food. It could be any other type of addiction that's out there. There's really like an emotional reason why we're doing all of that.
And if we just remove the harmful behavior, but don't change our lives. Then it's really hard to change. You know, it's really hard to give up just the, the harmful behaviors and enjoy life. And then so most people revert back right away. And what happened for me was I was 31 years old. I lost my job. I was 60, 70 pounds heavier than I am now.
I was physically dying and I had a girlfriend come over and I was up on a bender for like five, six days. And she came over and I was passed out in my clothes, on the couch and I peed my pants. And like the man you see here today, isn't the man I want, I was back then. And she looked at me and she goes, this isn't going to work.
And I just started crying and I said, I can't stop you. I, it was just the pain got so great that I couldn't stop drinking and I couldn't keep. And it's a really scary, sad place to be. So she got online back in the old dial up internet connection days, which some of you probably don't remember. But and I was in a rehab facility like two days later after that.
And you know, and I just, I continued through, I surrounded myself with people who. We're on the, a healthy path. And because, and then I learned also it's like growing emotionally, but also physically, too. It's the body, mind and spirit WIC. Like I know you work in health and wellness and helping people eat better and live better lives.
And I had to take on all of that. We say in recovery world, we only have to change one thing and that's. Right. I have to change the way I eat the change. The way I drink changed, the way I exercise, change, the way I sleep, everything. And then I be, I build a happy lifestyle and I become healthy. And I, as a result of living well, I become, I look better when I look better, I feel more confident.
And when I'm more confident I can become more successful and do the things I want to do. And it all feeds on each other. But one of the things I noticed, and this is what I do in my coaching practice. A lot of us need step-by-step instruction. Now, a lot of us are afraid to ask for that type of instruction because I feel at the age of 25 or 35 or 40, 45, oh, I should know these things, but I don't.
So I feel like a failure, but what I need is step-by-step instruction each day to like, get to the next level. And so what I do is like we work on finding focus, building specific action steps to get there, and then having accountability and building on that and achieving your goals and then your life unfolds and beautiful ways.
[00:07:30] Bryan Carroll: Yeah. When you talk about changing everything, like I could totally see someone recognizing that and going that is overwhelming. So if you don't have those steps to start taking, to reach that every. Like, why would you even start? That sounds way it's easier to drink. It's easier to
[00:07:49] Dennis Berry: do the drugs. Yeah. Or stay in your, in your addictions.
All of us. It's way easier to sit on the couch and watch Netflix. It needed a pound of chocolate than it is to write down your goal. And then S take specific action steps on a daily basis to get there, which is why we have accountability. And then the other thing like, and everybody always says, if you have one word of advice, or what can you offer to somebody?
And I say, ask for help. Like, I was taught to have an expert in every area of your life. So if I get sick, I need to go to the doctor. If I have to go to court, I need a lawyer. If I hate doing. So I, I needed an accountant every year. Otherwise they're not going to get done and I'm going to get in trouble.
So if I have experts in those areas, I'm free to go do these other things. And I don't know if I don't know how to conquer my addictions or if I don't know how to build my business or grow my business or write that book or improve my relationships, ask for help. And then I'll get there faster and at a high.
[00:08:49] Bryan Carroll: Yep. Yeah. I don't know if anyone that likes doing taxes
[00:08:56] Dennis Berry: don't like paying
[00:08:56] Bryan Carroll: taxes either. Yeah. So when, when it comes to asking for. Do you think a lot of addicts they would like to ask for help? They just don't know how or do you think they don't recognize that they could ask for help?
[00:09:10] Dennis Berry: Yeah. Great question.
I think it's a little of both one good thing about the information highway that we have nowadays is that it is out there. So you don't even need to be so vocal about it. Just Google, where can I get help? How do I help this addiction? How do I stop snorting cocaine? How do I stop eating chocolate cake here?
How do I improve my relationship? And when you do those things, you can, it'll eventually lead you to some help. Or you can say like a life coach on how to improve my relationships. How do I communicate better? But again, ask for help. We, when we were growing up, we were taught, especially as men, we don't want to ask for help.
It's a sign of weakness, but it's actually a sign of strength. It's actually a sign of strength. Yeah. When we asked for help, like, I don't know how old you are, but you probably always remember having Google maps or ways. But when we were growing up, not to sound too old, but we didn't have that. Like we would have to figure it out.
And so they always had the, there was a joke, like guys would never stop and ask for. You know, and guys would rather drive around for two hours and stay lost. I was always the one who was stopped. I'd ask for directions, even though like, it made me less of a man, but I was like, I would rather get there in five minutes just by asking somebody than drive around in circles for two hours.
Right. So I did learn that at some point. And asking for help is so much easier than trying to figure it out on my own and banging my head against the wall. And along those lines, for those that are listening, I have a coach too, and I meet with him every week. And that's why, I mean, I'm a fairly successful, happy, healthy guy.
And it's because I continue to grow with an insight of somebody else. Who's not emotionally attached to what I see every single. Yeah.
[00:10:59] Bryan Carroll: For the record, I started with a map and then upgraded to MapQuest and then Google maps or ways.
[00:11:06] Dennis Berry: Yeah, MapQuest. What was the old maps? There was a topographic topographical maps.
Remember the trip takes. Do you remember a trip takes? I don't remember those. Those came from AAA. So it's like, if you were gone, let's say you were in Washington and you wanted to drive to like Florida. It'll give you, like, they put these trip together based on where, on you just. And it's like this little spiral thing and you're like, all right, I made it through Washington.
Now we're in Nevada, Deborah here. And you flip the pages and you eventually, you got there and it's money, but now we don't need any
[00:11:39] Bryan Carroll: of this. No, no, it's too easy. But definitely for me going into like a grocery store, I will walk around that grocery store 15 times trying to find the one thing, instead of asking someone that works there.
Hey, where is this? And I'm slowly getting better at it. But because I recognize how much time I waste by just walking around, doing nothing when I could just ask for help and bypass all those. Yes. That's
[00:12:05] Dennis Berry: the ego. It's like a, it's a pride thing. It's like, I should be able to find that on my own, but you can't.
I mean, maybe, I mean, there's certain things that you don't want to give up on and try to figure it out yourself so you can learn by yourself and grow to the next level. But sometimes it's just like, just ask for help. Yup.
[00:12:24] Bryan Carroll: Yeah. Even Tom Brady has a throwing coach and tiger woods has a swing coach. So everybody, even at the top level is they still have coach.
Helping them out and, you know, assessing what they're doing and how they can improve. So it's, it's a great point that everybody can benefit from some sort of
[00:12:43] Dennis Berry: help. Yeah, totally. Yeah. And it's like, when you're like, what I was just talking about real quick was the emotional attachment. So it's like w the reason.
Benefit from help, whether it's a coach, therapist, counselor, whatever you want to call it, the couples, you know, whenever, cause I do a lot of marriage and love and relationship coaching, and it's like the two of you are so emotionally attached to your points of view and what you think is right, and how they should behave.
You can't see anything from outside, right? So you need somebody who's not emotionally attached to your crap to say, Hey, what about this? What about this? What about this behavior? Here's where, why don't you try that? You know, maybe she'll understand what you need, if you say it this way. And it's like, oh, I never thought of that.
Well, yeah, because you're, you're here and I'm up here and not because I'm smarter or better or cooler than you just because I'm not there emotionally attached to what you see every day. Yep.
[00:13:41] Bryan Carroll: I like it. So when you recognize you had a problem and then you asked for help, what were kind of the main steps that you had to take.
To pull yourself out of the addiction and to be able to comfortably get back into society and not have those cravings to fall right back into that, those addictions.
[00:14:02] Dennis Berry: Great. And another great question. So in my book I talked about and were originally I did the 12 steps. That's how I originally started.
And in my book, I talk about. The how approach to life. So how do I get sober? How do I improve my relationships? How do I become healthier? How do I make more money? And the answer was the question how, and it says for honesty open-mindedness and willingness. So I have to first, and th this was kind of the path I took.
So I have to first be honest and say, Hey, something's not good. Right. I can't stop drinking or snorting cocaine. I can't stop eating chocolate cake. My marriage sucks. Everything's falling apart. So now I've made it. There's a problem. That's the honesty. And then I be, once I become honest and I become open to a new way of living and seeing a different point of view, whether it's from a coach or a therapist or somebody on the outside, and then I become willing to apply those things into my life.
And it's a very powerful approach to life. And that's kind of what I did was. You know, every morning I would wake up and I would have these circles under my eyes and I was so bloated and, and so hung over and I would look in the mirror and just cry. And I would say, I'm never going to drink again. And then I would walk over to the freezer and take a little bit of whiskey that I left and just slammed that.
And then, and I couldn't stop. So something had to come in between the, the thought of drinking and the drugs. So instead of like, I I'm never going to drink again and then I needed a drink. I needed to find new ways of living. So I started meditating. I started exercising, I started drinking lots of water.
I had to stop smoking. I had to start just reading things that would improve on the, who I was. Yes. You know, so I don't have to do, like you said earlier, like improving everything in your life, changing everything it's overwhelming, but today I just need to be better than I was yesterday. And then eventually I get to that space.
And another reason overcoming addiction, alcoholism is hard is because in addiction, generally speaking, our dopamine is getting hit all the time. Like we like. The quick hit of that first drink, I'm overwhelmed. I'm full of anxiety and fear and insecurity. And my life's falling apart. I could take a shot and within 30 seconds, I know I'm going to feel better.
I could feel it going down my throat and I feel better. It's instant gratification, life isn't like that. So I need to learn to calm down success. Massive financial success takes. Right. Health looking better, feeling better. It tastes a little time, especially if it took me 15, 20 years of, of getting screwed up in my, in my addictions.
It's going to take longer than a week or two to undo that. And we're, we're not good at patients. So this is where learning how to meditate and gradually shift the way that you think will gradually change the way you look and feel.
[00:17:13] Bryan Carroll: So you had mentioned earlier that. A lot of people with addictions, they get into those addictions to kind of cover up something, whether it's like, you know, stress you're dealing with or whatever it might be.
So for some people, do you think they enjoy the feeling of their addiction more than what they experienced in regular life? And if for those people, if that's true, Are you, are you able to pull them out of it?
[00:17:49] Dennis Berry: Yeah. Wow. That's a big question. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Ultimately there's a lot of things that we don't want to hear in early.
You know, so a lot of you hear about a lot about relapse, right? And people, oh, I went out drinking and you say to them, you know, the truth is they wanted to drink no matter how messed up their life is, the truth is they wanted to drink more than they want it to stay sober. And you're like, how can you say that?
Like my life's falling apart. I lost my wife. I went bankrupt. My health is failing all these. I don't want that, but you did otherwise you wouldn't have drained. And like, we like the effect that's produced by the drugs or the alcohol, otherwise we wouldn't do it. But what you said is that the, is that I would rather drink than to face my feelings or change the way I'm living.
And it's funny, not funny. Funny, not funny. That it, like you say, well, for, in order to get sober, we need to change the way we think act, feel, and all that stuff, or die, a miserable, unhealthy alcoholic drug addict, death. Now alcoholics an addict. We'll struggle with that choice. Like a normal person says my life.
Isn't going well, I drank too much. Last night, I got a DUI and it, and my relationships falling apart. I'm I'm going to stop drinking now. Somebody who is a real addict or alcoholic, or, or suffers from alcohol use disorder, however you want to call it. Well, we'll go like, yeah, I don't know. Like, maybe I can, I can still, I can cope with that a little longer.
So it is sad, but you know, the truth is what we need to do is address those underlying issues and that's painful to do. And that's why they say hitting rock bottom is really the only time when those changes occur, because when the pain becomes greater than we're willing to make that change right when I'm suffering enough and not until then, because I don't want to face my demons.
I can tell you a story about a woman. Who I worked with a few years ago. So she had middle age, mid middle, mid forties. I think she was like 42, 43. And she was drinking like two bottles of wine every night, sometimes more. And then she would get drunk and then she would eat a bunch of sugar and crap. And then her marriage was suffering.
The kids were starting to fall apart in school and everything, and she couldn't stop drinking. And so she came to me because she, she needed to stop drinking. And she said, I'm an alcoholic. So we started after about three or four sessions. We started talking and it turns out when she was in sleepaway camp, 30 years earlier, she w she hooked up with this boy.
She was 13 years old and he was 15 and they hooked up and she wanted to stop. And he didn't, and he violated her and she never told anybody about it for 30 years. Now, you can only hold that pain in for so long. Before something happens. So that emotion, that pain, that, that fear, the insecurity, the shame that she felt, the guilt, all that stuff.
And plus back then, like nobody wanted to hear it anybody. So you just bottled all that stuff up inside. And so we really started working on that and addressing that issue. And when we did, after a few weeks of doing the work, that the things that I do. She just stopped drinking and she lost 30 pounds. Her skin even looks better and her relationship got better.
The kids looked better all because we addressed the underlying issue. So we all have that underlying issue. We all have something that happened years ago are that produce some sort of shame or guilt or something. We never learned how to cope with. And that's when we address those things and unfold the.
Right. Let's pull those out. Then we don't need to drink. We don't need to cover up that paint. We don't need to eat a pounder cookies or watch six hours of Netflix or scroll on our phones mindlessly for eight hours or make nonsense phone calls. Hey, what are you doing? Oh, nothing. What are you doing? Oh, I'm sitting in traffic.
Oh, cool. What are you doing later? Like those are all avoiding feeling, right? Everybody's afraid to be by themselves. So I teach people how to be comfortable to be by yourself.
[00:22:15] Bryan Carroll: Yeah, it's interesting that everyone's quote, rock bottom is different and you would think like certain rock bottoms would actually be a rock bottom for some people, but then it it's not.
And an example is a family member of mine. Around mid fifties, he was an alcoholic abused drugs. He was addicted to. Almost 20 prescription drugs. And he got himself into a position where he went into organ failure and he's in the hospital. He's literally on death's bed, everything shutting down and all he could think about was he needed to make sure the fridge back at home was docked up with beer because if he does get out, he wants a beer after all this.
Cause it's been. Weeks. And we literally got called in by the nurses and the doctors and said, this is probably, you know, your last time to see him. And somehow he pulled out of it and recovered, but that wasn't his rock bottom. He went right back to the same stuff. And eventually like seven, eight years later, it took them out.
But it, you would think that you're literally on death store and that would be your moment to like change, but it wasn't strong enough for him. And like I said, trying to dig deeper down into more of the root issue that might've helped him, but literally dying was not what was it? Yeah. And
[00:23:55] Dennis Berry: it's painful.
You remember? We don't like change. So really what we're doing is changing. And as a human, we don't like change, but like we're. Right. The very first thing, they take us out of this warm, comfy place. Our mother's Tommy's where we're fed and this warmth. And everything's really great. And they take us out and the doctor slaps us in the ass and we're like, ah, that's hard.
That's painful. So we started crying and then that, that goes away. And then we go asleep and then eventually we started crawling and then we bumped into the wall and we started crying and we learned how to not do that. And then we start walking and we fall down and we cry because, and then we learned how to do.
And we continue to, to grow. And at some point we reached like a level that's like comfortable or it seems comfortable and we kinda hang out there. We're like, cause change is hard. We do, we don't like bumping into the wall. So when we find a way to not do that, we become comfortable. And then you fast for.
30 40 years, you know, you take somebody who's in their thirties, forties, fifties, or beyond and say, all right, now we just have to change. And that's hard because what we're doing in essence is we're taking away our coping skills to alcohol and drugs or cake or whatever is my coping skill. And so now you're taking away my coping skill and I don't have a new one.
And so I said at home holding onto the table, Going now, where do I do? And then the next day life kicks you in the balls because that's what life does. And you don't know how to handle it. So you say, screw this, where's the cake, where's the drugs. Where's the alcohol. So I revert instantly back to what's comfortable.
And so change is hard and not everybody pulls up. Yup.
[00:25:33] Bryan Carroll: Now, as I wouldn't say an outsider looking in, but we'll say like a loved one or someone that knows you looking in, if you know of someone that's addicted. How do you reach out to them and try to offer them help? Especially, you know, if they haven't asked for help themselves, is that something that we as other people should do is reach out and be.
You know, open that door. If you, at some point, do need help then just now to come and talk to me or what what's the appropriate response there.
[00:26:08] Dennis Berry: Yeah. Great. You're you you're out to all great questions. Probably I'm really. And so the, the best way to be there for somebody has to be. When they need help and what we can do along the way is drop hands.
We, it depends on a lot of it's personality based. It depends how open they are. Some people are in that desperate position where they will listen to you and, and have that honesty open-mindedness and willingness to change. And, and there are no failed attempts. So it's not like, oh, I tried talking to him, but he doesn't want to hear you're planting.
You might tell that person something that might not, that seed might not sprout for 10 years. You might say, Hey, here's a book that might help you. Here's a, here's somebody you can talk to, here's a treatment center you can go visit and they might be like, yeah, screw you. I I'm on. And then, but fi they're thinking in the back of their head as their life's falling apart.
Oh, I can always reach out. They're like you planted that seed. So the. And be there if they call and need somebody to talk to be there, if they call and ask you a question, be there. That's the best we can do because you can't help somebody who doesn't want to be helped. And but you can be there and be present when they do reach out for help.
That's the best thing. And like I said, drop pens, like, you know, throw a book on their table, throw a phone throw a phone number, shoot them a phone number through text message or something. Or again, it's all personality based. Sometimes people are willing to listen to what you have to say and then push a little harder.
And if they, what happens if you start pushing and then you feel them pushing back just. Because and go take care of yourself. That's the best you could do.
[00:27:57] Bryan Carroll: Yeah. If you are helping someone and let's say they reach a point where they relapse and I don't know, they do something to you. Maybe you're helping them.
And maybe at some point they relapse and then they steal something from you to go buy drugs or whatever it is. I know that can be very difficult for the person trying to help, but also there's probably a component in there that it's not really anything directly against you. It's just them falling back into bad habits.
So if you are helping someone, how many chances do you give someone before? You're like, okay, I'm not the person that's going to help you. You're going to have to find someone.
[00:28:37] Dennis Berry: Love that. So what you're talking about is like, there's a bunch of things are enabling codependency. Those are all a part of this equation.
And the, and this is all part of coaching. What we do is we need to establish boundaries. Now everybody has a different threshold. So if you're a mother, you're your threshold for your son is most likely. Yeah, you're going to keep helping and helping and sending money and belly and out of jail. And, you know, helping them as much as you can because you want to help, help, help, help, but the show is not helping because if you keep doing that and it's not working, then it's not going to.
If it was going to work, it would have by now, right? It wouldn't have it. Wouldn't be going on for 10 or 20 years. So what we need to do in this work, this is whether it's a parental relationship friends or romantic relationship as we need to establish boundaries and those boundaries need to have consequences.
So otherwise there you're just being in. Right. So if you're like, you know, if you, if this happens again, right, you can live here, but if you go out drinking and you come home at two in the morning, The chair, then you can't live here anymore and they come home and they break a chair and you, they continue to live there.
Well, you just train the subconscious mind to say, oh, well, nothing's going to change. I don't need to change a great example. And this goes, remember just like the girl who was viral. And that story, this goes back to early childhood and most of our unhealthy behaviors and beliefs do, but let's take a five-year-old kid at the park with mom and the kids playing in the playground and he punches another kid and mom's talking to her friend and that other kid starts crying.
And mom says, if you do that again with. And 10 minutes again, 10 minutes later, the kid punches another kid and the kid starts crying and they don't leave. So we just trained that kid that it's okay to hit people. It made it might've been, seemed subtle at the time, but it's not, we just train that. Kid's subconscious thinking to say it's okay.
So guess what? In 20 years, he's in a relationship and he hits his wife because that's what he was taught that it's okay to. And if his wife says, if you do that again, I'm leaving and he does it again and she doesn't leave. Then we're confirming that that behavior is okay. So it's the same thing with drug and alcohol behavior.
W and in my practice, I'll even have specifically a contract in place. It's not a legal contract, but it's an agreement between the parents and the kids or the husbands and the wives or whoever. That says these are the agreements. If you want to live in this house or in this relationship, no drinking, no drugs in bed.
By this time meditating meeting with Dennis eating well, like whatever the contract says, and if the contract is broken, then we have to enforce the consequences. Otherwise there's never going to be any change. So everybody's different boundaries with consequences is the short answer for the long answer, right?
[00:31:52] Bryan Carroll: And if you are the helper, what do you do about your own personal guilt? So like if they breach the contract and you kick them out of the house and now they, you know, they had gotten a lot better, but they screwed up a little bit. You kick them out of the house and now they just went off the deep end again.
How do you help yourself with that guilt
[00:32:12] Dennis Berry: man? Did you research these questions? Cause either awesome. These are great questions. I love. Yeah, you're a great host. Well, now we have to take care of you and if we're not taking care of you, I mean, this is classic codependent behavior, right? So somebody who's independent and confident and assured and is taking care of themselves, doesn't have this issue.
They're taking care of themselves. Okay. So this is like the oxygen that comes out of the airplane. They say, put it on yourself first, even before you're a little. Because if you die, you can't save your baby, right? So we need to take care of you. And it's the same things that we, that the addict needs to do.
You need to meditate, take care of your health, drink, lots of water, stop eating sugar, go for a walk learn something new. I mean, like these are standard things. Take care of yourself. And when you're doing that, you become more confident and self-assured, and you don't have the guilt in this. Associated with that because allowing them to keep coming back and affecting your health and happiness and wellbeing, isn't going to improve your life.
It's only going to make your life harder. So let's just say the meditating is like 26. Of your health and wellbeing and going for a walk as 10 or 20%. And then the person comes back in and you get in a fight and that knocks you back 30%. And then you're fighting back with eating well and drinking. Lots of water.
You understand? Keep continuing to take care of yourself. It's really the best way. And sometimes a little bit of time, you know, a little bit of time, because sometimes you get emotionally scarred reaching out to, for help from a coat or a friend or a mentor of some sort to talk about how you're feeling and you know, just continuing to take care of yourself is always, always the answer.
Really. There's a difference between taking care of yourself and being self. Okay. You're not being selfish. You're establishing boundaries to make your life better.
[00:34:10] Bryan Carroll: Yep. I like it. Good responses. All right. So to continue a little bit more with the conversation. So not only do you work with addiction and recovery, you also work with help guiding people to master their lives.
Right? So if you are pulling someone out of addiction or recovery, and then next step is. You know, start to optimize other parts of their life. How do you know what to choose to optimize next?
[00:34:39] Dennis Berry: That's great. Yeah. Well, so center to my coaching practice is what we call the one thing. And there there's actually a book out there.
There's other people talking about it now, but we really want to focus on one thing in life. We really want to get laser laser-focused a lot of times if we're in an addiction or broken relationships or financial problems, health problems, it's because we're not. Right. So everybody's like, oh, I'm a great multi-tasker and that's ridiculous.
None of us is multitasking. It's a myth, right? We really want to get focused. A great example I like to use is new year's resolutions. So every new year is where like I'm going to write a book, lose 30 pounds, start a business and improve my relationship. And two weeks later you're like overwhelmed. So you start drinking again and eating cake and, and next new year's it's the same five new year's.
So we were unfocused and overwhelmed. So we have these impossible to do less than impossible goals that we can achieve because we're trying to do too much and take the kids to school and look good on Facebook all at the same time. So it's really hard to do so what we do is get laser-focused okay. I need to stop drinking or starting cocaine or eating chocolate cake or whatever it is I'm doing.
What, how are we going to improve? Sometimes that's the one thing. So what I do is focus on the main areas in life. And so how do I feel about my body? How do I feel about my body and my health, my relationships, my family, and from relationships, my finances, my career, and my. Wife, those pretty much encompassed life, those six, seven categories.
How do I feel about myself in those areas and where would I like to be in each of those areas? So now we just established goals and now we're going to pick the one goal there. That's going to change our life. The most. That's going to give us the confidence, the happiness. That, that breathing room to feel good about ourselves.
So we don't need to go drink and we don't need to screw our lives up that way. And then we work on that specific one goal on a daily basis, and it's called the one thing and we work on it strategically every day with specific action steps to take, to get that done. So within a month or six months or a year, depending on how big the goal is now we're becoming successful.
And then when that's done and we've achieved that goal, we move to the next one. There's always a new one thing. There's always ways to improve our lives. And when we do, there's no room for drugs or alcohol or watching six hours of Netflix or w we're working on becoming happy and fulfilled. And that's what I do.
[00:37:16] Bryan Carroll: Well, if people want to learn more about you, then you have Dennis barry.com and you do a consult. Has everything virtual.
[00:37:24] Dennis Berry: Yes. Yes. Because I live far away. Yep, yep. Yeah. So, yeah, we'd meet by zoom. I have clients in New Zealand and Australia and Europe and Canada all over the U S and I can meet anybody anywhere.
And yeah, it head over to the website. And if you're listening to the show, offer you two free sessions to a kickstart, everything. First one is always free because to make sure we click and then but I'm offering you a second. If you mentioned Bryan today.
[00:37:54] Bryan Carroll: Well, thank you for that. People definitely should jump on that and just you know, chat with you and see what they can master in their own lives and how you can help.
Is there any final things that you want to make sure that you share with us when it comes to addiction, recovery and life mastery?
[00:38:09] Dennis Berry: You know, I always say, ask for help that I had a guy in at the gym a few months ago. He's like Dennis, he knew who I was, what I. He goes, Dennis, do you have any advice for young kids just starting out?
And I said, keep asking for help. You know, when I, when I think I know the rules, the rules change, you know, we never really arrived there. It's like, we can always continue to be better. We can always improve and When we continue to ask for help, we continue to grow. So if you're stuck ask for a way out, you don't have to do it all by yourself.
In fact, if you keep trying to do it by yourself, you rarely get where you want to be at a very high level. So if you have somebody to guide you through the process, you have a better chance of getting there. Yeah. What's
[00:38:56] Bryan Carroll: the saying, if you travel by yourself, then you can travel fast, but if you try. With a group then he can travel far or something similar.
Yeah. I haven't heard
[00:39:05] Dennis Berry: that, but I love it. It's so true. And that's in regards to like packs? Yes. I love it. Love it. Yes. Please just ask for help. And I don't care if you call me or Bryan or your best friend or your friend's friend's brother's roommate. Like ask for help if you don't want, if you can't afford it, or if you, if you don't feel like asking in a formal atmosphere, just find somebody who's who's like, wow, you're successful and healthy and happy.
Can we go get some coffee? I have a few questions for you. Just do that, like make it, make an attempt to get better and you will become better.
[00:39:42] Bryan Carroll: Yeah. I think when people are a lot less scary than we tell ourselves, when we're thinking about asking for help or not. Now, if you just reach out a little bit, people are a lot more open to that type of stuff than you would think.
[00:39:55] Dennis Berry: Absolutely. Yeah. Thank you, Bryan. Really good. Cause stop. You're a great host. I really want.
[00:40:00] Bryan Carroll: Well, thank you, Dennis. This has been awesome. And for anyone that might know someone that you know is battling addiction or anything similar, definitely listen through this episode again and pick up on some of this stuff that we talked about and see if you can apply it to the people, you know, Again, if you look at your friends or family circle, I'm sure you can find someone that is having some sort of addiction issue and it might be a good time for you to just reach out and see if there's anything that you can do for them.
Even if you're just planting the seed, that if they are ready to make a change, you're going to be there for them and you can help support them. So if you. Need that extra help contact Dennis. And he can definitely help you out to figure out the direction to go, but just help the people that you know, that are battling different addictions, especially with the pandemic addiction levels have increased dramatically.
There's a lot of people that are suffering from addictions and they don't need to be. And we best if we can figure out how to support them the best way we can. We do have resources over at the show notes for that episode, which [email protected] slash 1 56. So head on over there and you can see all the resources over there next week.
I have Jeffrey Smith on the show. Let's go learn who he is. I am here with Jeffrey Smith. Hey Jeffrey, what is one unique thing about you that most people don't know?
[00:41:29] Jeffrey Smith: Well, I have been the leading spokesperson on the health dangers of genetically engineered foods for a long time. And what people don't know is that when people originally came up to me, as I was traveling around the world saying, I can notice the difference in my body.
When I eat a GMO, I didn't believe them. It wasn't until I thought it was going to be some minor change in some epidemiological charts that we could detect years later. But then I started speaking at medical conferences, telling the doctors about the documented health risks. They started putting their patients on non GMO and organic.
And they started seeing amazing changes. And I even went to doctor's offices to verify for myself. And then I started asking thousands and people at CA at lectures and then surveying people for the answers. And now it turns out, I think I've heard more personal testimonials than anyone on the planet about people who actually know.
Damage to their health by eating GMOs and getting, or getting better when they switch to not eating GMOs and not eating the foods that contain Roundup spray.
[00:42:39] Bryan Carroll: And what will we be learning about in our interview together?
[00:42:44] Jeffrey Smith: Well, we're going to learn about. The health dangers of GMOs and Roundup in detail so that it will motivate us to eat organic.
But we're also going to hear about a new existential threat where genetically engineered microbes could change the nature of nature they can spread around the world. They can get in our bodies, they can wreak havoc. So we have an there's a new technology out there, gene editing, which if less.
Unregulated could result in millions of GM microbes, genetically modified microbes being introduced into the environment. And that could be an unrecalled double disaster. So after 25 years of focusing on the health dangers, we've pivoted to try and protect nature now from genetically engineered microbes and existential threat.
[00:43:33] Bryan Carroll: And what are your favorite foods or nutrients that you think everyone should get more of in their day?
[00:43:38] Jeffrey Smith: Organic organic and organic. I'm not qualified as a nutritionist to say what you should eat, but I am more than qualified to say, please avoid GMOs and Roundup herbicides sprayed on your food. And the easiest way to do that.
If you don't grow your own is to eat organic
[00:43:59] Bryan Carroll: in what are your top three health tips for anyone who wants to improve their overall wellness?
[00:44:04] Jeffrey Smith: All right. In addition to eating organic, not everyone can eat organic each time. So if you can't eat organic, at least eat non-GMO, but not just non-GMO, there's also Roundup sprayed on the oats and them, the wheat and the barley and the mung beans it's found in wine it's found in beer.
[email protected], we have a report. Which has the levels of glyphosate in various foods, both generic foods and brand names. So if you can't eat organic, avoid GMOs and avoid the high sprayed products like oats in the non-organic. So eat organic is the first and the non GMO and non sprayed as the second.
[00:44:49] Bryan Carroll: Jeffrey's a very fascinating guy. And we talked about some very concerning situations with GMOs and the planet and how it could really impact the planet if we release the wrong GMO type organisms. So definitely listening to that episode next week, and until then keep climbing to the peak of your health.
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